I’m A Self-Compassion Expert: Here Are 5 Ways To *Actually* Be Kind To Yourself

The second step, says Neff, is to acknowledge your pain—value it, even. “You need to be willing to be present with pain,” she explains. “If you shove it down, if you pretend it’s not there, you can’t be compassionate.” 

See, when you ignore the pain or beat yourself up for it, that’s when it can overwhelm you, which can cause even more pain and anxiety. You need that perspective, says Neff, to step outside of yourself and say, “Hey, you’re having a hard time. How can I help?” Only then can you break that vicious cycle. “When you treat yourself with kindness, warmth, and support, you don’t get so overwhelmed by that pain,” she adds.