This 5-Minute Quiz Will Tell You What You’re Actually Like In Relationships

Once you know what your attachment style is, you can use that knowledge to communicate your needs to your romantic partners so they know how to best support you.

For example, if you have an anxious attachment style, you can start by telling the people you’re dating about your tendency to need a lot of reassurance in relationships and why certain actions can trigger your insecurities. Or if you have an avoidant attachment style, you can let your partner know why having space is so important to you to feel comfortable in a relationship.

From there, you can begin to recognize in the moment when you’re exhibiting behaviors related to your attachment wounds and take steps to address them head on, rather than letting them continue to negatively impact your relationships.

“As you explore your wounds, you’ll come to realize that you can become empowered by acknowledging and stating your needs,” Manly explains. “Rather than getting reactive or shutting down, you can state your needs to your partner in clear, healthy ways. By using ‘I’ messages and communicating clearly, your partner will become more aware of your wounds and your needs.”

(Here’s Manly’s full guide to healing attachment issues.)

Over time as you work on understanding the root of your attachment wounds and how they manifest in your relationships, you can work—often in tandem with a supportive romantic partner—to move toward a healthier and more secure way of relating to others.

“A person’s attachment style can change depending on who they are in a relationship with—or in some cases, permanently change,” licensed marriage therapist Kiaundra Jackson, LMFT, recently told mbg, though she emphasizes that it’ll certainly take some work: “It takes acknowledgment, work, rewiring of interactions, resetting boundaries, learning healthier ways of relating, and sorting through your trauma.”