Is Watching Porn Cheating? It’s Complicated — Sex Therapists Explain

Watching porn is not considered cheating in every relationship, but it can be in some relationships. It depends on the relationship parameters the partners have agreed on.

“Cheating is, at its simplest, actions that cross the agreed-upon boundaries in a relationship. If both parties agree to not view porn and one person does in secret, then in that circumstance, yes, it could be considered cheating,” explains Shadeen Francis, LMFT, CST, a licensed marriage therapist and board-certified sex therapist.

But watching porn isn’t in itself a betrayal, Francis emphasizes. The betrayal happens when one person knowingly crosses a line they’ve agreed not to cross in the relationship.

Of course, many couples never explicitly discussed porn before entering into the relationship—and this lack of transparency can also lead to hurt feelings. “Often, this question hasn’t even been discussed, so when the one partner finds out the other is watching porn, they feel betrayed,” explains Holly Richmond, Ph.D., LMFT, a licensed marriage therapist and AASECT-certified sex therapist.

Part of the confusion here stems from the assumptions around what it means to be in a monogamous relationship: Some people assume that being sexually exclusive means that porn must be off the table, whereas others see watching porn as more of a personal, solo sexual activity and therefore not related to cheating because it doesn’t involve other people. There isn’t a right or wrong answer here—it’s just about how the individuals in a given relationship see it and what they agree on going forward.

“However, if we look at the absolute criteria for cheating—secretive physical or emotional engagement with someone outside of the relationship—it is hard for porn to check this box. Certainly there is no touch and almost never any communication,” Richmond says. “Most people watch for some sort of stress relief or anxiety reduction. It isn’t as much about sex as it is about a biological physical release. It is almost never about connecting with the performers.”