My favorite tool is communication, first of all. If you go to a restaurant and there’s something on the menu you don’t like, it doesn’t mean that you can’t eat at that restaurant. You’re there to feed and enjoy yourself, the same as everyone else. So you ask the server for some other menu item instead of that thing you don’t like. It’s the same in the bedroom. If there are certain positions or activities that don’t feel good, that’s an opportunity to try something else. You work with your partner to figure out what that other thing might be. Like: “Hey, so this thing doesn’t feel good, and these other things feel better. What else is on the table?” We so often minimize sex into this narrow, linear path of doing A, then B, then C, and then you orgasm. But when you communicate your constraints and discuss work-arounds, you’ll often get a sense of creativity, newness, and bonding that might not be there when you’re on autopilot.
Other solutions depend on what kind of discomfort you’re experiencing. Not only are lubricants helpful if you experience dryness but they add a sense of play and experimentation to sexual experiences. Depending on the challenges at hand, it might be important to seek out a pelvic floor physical therapist; once they assess what’s happening with your pelvic floor, they can guide you toward other tools that might help, like using pillows during sex, dilator therapy, or pelvic floor exercises. We’ve also launched a second company called Pelvic Gym that lets people access pelvic floor education and exercises at home. People who can’t access a pelvic floor specialist for whatever reason can use that as a stepping stone.
For people who experience discomfort when penetration goes too deep, Ohnut provides a physical buffer that allows you to customize that depth. It’s made up of squishy, stretchy rings that are worn around the member of the penetrating partner. During penetrative sex, you can get that full motion of the ocean without having to worry about one partner experiencing discomfort. It strips away some of that stress around whether there’s going to be discomfort. It’s comfortable for the penetrating partner, too: The rings are made of an FDA-approved material that feels like skin and is compatible with water- and silicone-based lubes. We hear from people with penises that they generally forget Ohnut is even there.
This article was originally published by goop.com. Read the original article here.