According to Pierre, people may stonewall during conflicts as a defense mechanism for self-preservation. When that occurs, here’s what she says is happening inside your body. 

After a conflict thrusts us into fight, flight, fawn, or freeze mode, our ability to reason goes out the window. That’s because the prefrontal cortex (the region at the front of your brain) checks out, and the amygdala—your brain’s fear center or “alarm system”—takes over, signaling your body to escape the triggering situation. 

You’re likely feeling quite stressed, so your body is activated, your blood is pumping, and your heart rate is increasing. “Not engaging with or ignoring the other person can make us feel like we’re in control again,” says Pierre, “so stonewalling is often used to regain some semblance of vindication, maybe even power.” 

But that’s not the only reason people resort to this behavior. Sometimes, she says, people stonewall to seek relief because they truly “feel stuck and are unable to engage with the other person in a meaningful and rational way.” 

Herzog points out that stonewalling “directly stops whatever confrontation is happening,” so it really can provide a sense of relief to the disgruntled person, even if it’s to their partner’s detriment. 

“[Stonewalling] is not effective or sustainable, and over time will erode any relationship,” Pierre asserts. 

However, complicated life experiences often make defensive behaviors hard to avoid. “It’s important to remember that when we don’t learn how to communicate properly within our relationships, we turn to the ‘skill’ we may have learned in order to survive in the past,” Herzog explains. 

That’s why she thinks stonewalling typically shows up later in relationships: If a couple has worked on communication long term with little to no improvement, “stonewalling becomes the mechanism one or both partners turn to during an argument to get away from the pain and stress of what they’re feeling.”

A person’s attachment style forms early in life based on the degree of attunement (feeling seen, safe, understood, and loved) experienced as a small child. There are four attachment styles, which include one secure attachment style and three insecure types commonly known as anxious attachment (aka anxious-preoccupied), avoidant attachment (aka dismissive-avoidant), and fearful-avoidant attachment (aka disorganized).

Unless resolved through self-work, attachment issues persist through adulthood, and the three insecure attachment types can lead to dysfunction and chaos in intimate, family, and social relationships. We can develop a secure attachment style by engaging in solid self-work whether we are in or out of a romantic partnership. That said, some attachment styles are not a good fit and tend to make self-evolution and relationship-evolution difficult—if not impossible.

So, when you’re looking for a partner, you’ll want to know your personal attachment style and have enough information to spot a potential partner’s attachment style. By slowing down to detect a new partner’s attachment style early on, you can stop an unhealthy partnership before it really gets going. And if the mix is a good one, you might find yourself in the most connected relationship of your life.

I have been aware my whole life that I have an anxious attachment style. This attachment style came from my upbringing (it’s a long story!), and it affected the way I was showing up in my romantic relationships. I tended to need constant validation, I got nervous when my partner needed space, I questioned myself, I did not trust fully, and I had a hard time receiving love easily.

All that said, I have been in therapy on and off for over a decade. During this decade, I have done some deep work on myself and how I interact with others.

More recently, I was dating someone who clearly had an avoidant attachment style. I could not see it at first, but then the signs became clear. Instead of me going back into my normal anxious attachment style, I did the opposite. I started to exemplify elements of being securely attached. Seriously, my therapist literally stated, “I am so proud of you. I do not know if you see it, but lately you have been handling your relationships in a secured way!”

Bingo! It happened again—but this time, with me.

Why? I had put in the necessary work toward reaching a healthier state, and, man, did it feel good. To be honest, it still takes massive work on my end. I want to go back to my old “anxious” ways all the time because that is all I knew for so long. But it feels good to be on this side. Here is where I choose to stay!

The key differences in the diets, according to the review, comes up on the topic of fats: “The main difference between the two diets is the primary fat source. Olive oil is the synonym for MD [the Mediterranean diet] while the ND [the Nordic diet] uses more rapeseed/canola oil.”

Though that one ingredients swap may not seem like enough to matter, because they’re used in cooking almost everything it can add up. Olive oil, especially extra-virgin olive oil, is known for its health benefits thanks to high polyphenol content and other beneficial bioactives like omega-9 fatty acids. By contrast, rapeseed oil is less conclusively agreed to have benefits. It’s popular in cooking for its low smoke point, but the way it’s processed means most of it has less essential fatty acids, antioxidants, and vitamins—though cold pressed, extra virgin versions do exist and may be better.

Some of the other specific foods emphasized in each diet are also different, due to the vastly different environments from which the diets began. In the Mediterranean, as mentioned, olive oil reigns supreme—but is it any surprise the same isn’t true of the Nordic diet where the colder climate means there’s not a hope of cultivating olives?

In the Nordic diet, other key foods include berries, cabbage, apples, pears, root vegetables, oats, rye, and fermented milk—all of which have their own unique health benefits, though the writers of this review are careful to remind us that one isolated component of the diet doesn’t necessarily decide its holistic potential. In the Mediterranean diet, the guidelines emphasize seasonal eating even more and go for cereals, vegetables, and fruit, and low-fat dairy products with only a few servings of fish or white meat per week.

The more detailed breakdowns of the diets are also different: when looking at how the different macronutrients should be contributing to daily energy intake, this is how they breakdown (according to a literature review of the Mediterranean diet and the Nordic Co-operation, respectfully). Though the profiles aren’t that different, the key seems to be different emphases on fats and protein.

“I get lots of questions about heat styling, as it can cause a lot of damage. For my patients that are experiencing breakage and hair loss, I try to tell them to try to limit it to once weekly if possible,” says Cochran Gathers. “For fragile hair types, daily heat styling is likely to be damaging. Personally, my hair is very naturally dry, so I try to limit the amount of heat styling that I do, too!”

Now, she goes on to explain that you don’t need to fear the heat—but she does say to use it smartly and in moderation. (An outlook we can certainly get behind!) “It’s not that these are off limits,” she says. “Just be smart about your use of your flatirons, hair dryers, or curling wands. Ultimately learning how to use these is more important than not using them altogether.”

Here, her quick tips to protecting your hair from heat damage.

You may not think twice about your trusty hair tie. Maybe you keep one handy on your wrist or stow an elastic in your bag at all times. You fish it out, gather your hair away from your face, and you’re all set—right? 

Well, not exactly. Take a longer look at your secure style: If you’re noticing more breakage than usual—say, frequent flyaways at your hairline or strands that seem shorter than the rest—you may be causing some physical stress to your hair. And guess what? That trusty hair tie is one of the biggest culprits. 

“People will use elastic and then keep on pulling [the hair] tighter and tighter,” hairstylist Levi Monarch once told us about the best hairstyles for working out. “This causes friction on the hair, and the main reason you see so much breakage with ponytails.”

It’s a delicate dance: You want your strands held snug, but you don’t want them wrapped so tight that they face physical damage. Of course, achieving that balance requires looser styles and gentle hair maintenance—but the accessories you use matter just as much.  

That said, check out our list of best hair ties for every strand pattern and texture. Each of these soft and stretchy bands won’t cause breakage, and some even double as wrist candy.