Being kind is often dismissed as weakness. Of course it is; we live in a competitive environment that emphasises winning at any cost. Nastiness and success tend to go together; this is borne out by the popularity of caustic commentators, narcissistic heroes (Don Draper, Stringer Bell) and public put-downs (The Apprentice). Criticism and cynicism are taken as signs of powerful intelligence.

Not by psychoanalyst Jacques Arènes, however, who sees nastiness as a form of self-protection: a person who feels weak and fears exposure will keep others at bay by treating them badly. From this perspective, people are only unpleasant when they’re unhappy with themselves, and take out their fears and frustrations on those around them. Kind people prefer to risk being open rather than turning inward and focusing solely on their own concerns.

This is a new kind of bravery, an everyday heroism to counter the general culture of cynicism. By being kind, we take the risk of being had. It requires courage. Anyone can take advantage of generosity, and there are plenty of people who believe that others are only kind to them when they want something, or because they’re afraid. So it’s important to remember that being kind does not mean being a doormat: you still have to assert yourself and stand up for what’s right.

We tend to think everyone else is out to get us, that we have to be on our guard at all times. But most of our dealings with other people are not based on exploitation. We have an impression that bad things happen in the world all the time, because painful events leave stronger impressions on the mind than happy ones. ‘One wicked action cancels out, in our perception, 10,000 acts of kindness,’ says American evolutionist Stephen Jay Gould.

Being in a permanent state of mistrust and fear is exhausting, and doesn’t help us at all. We are social beings – our happiness depends on the good relations we have with others. The internet has shown its capacity to disseminate good and bad. Unfounded accusations and nasty anonymous comments circulate freely and unchecked; at the same time, people offer advice and support in forums, write unpaid blogs and reviews, and give away creative ideas and recipes. There is a growing ethos of sharing everything. And a sense of urgency about the environment has encouraged people to give away what they don’t need and seek out second-hand stuff instead of buying everything new.

In the recession, people are aware they need each other to survive – although in the job market, it’s harder to support others when everyone’s feeling the pinch, and anxious about their own position. When times are hard, it takes even more courage to be kind, but it’s worth it – we prefer to be surrounded by supportive people who will watch our backs than people we admire but are half afraid of. Once we stop thinking of kindness as weakness, we can see how urgently it’s needed.

So how do we become kinder? And how to find the right balance of openness and assertiveness? Psychologist Piero Ferrucci explains that it helps to consider kindness as a number of component parts:

• Empathy Trying to understand what’s going on in the mind of a friend who is angry, rather than responding in kind.

• Modesty Instead of boasting about our achievements or happiness, actively listening to our friends helps us feel happy just to be with them.

• Patience Rather than tut impatiently when the person in front of you at the checkout spends a couple of minutes chatting with the cashier, remind yourself how important these small human exchanges can be.

• Generosity Offering someone a gift, the benefit of your wisdom, or your time, helps you appreciate the pleasure of their company more than keeping these things to yourself.

• Respect Listening to someone else without judging; accepting their point of view as valid, even if you disagree.

• Loyalty Being trustworthy gives us the pleasing feeling of being true to ourselves, as well as to others.

• Gratitude Taking a moment to give thanks for our good health and good fortune, and recognising how much we value our loved ones, makes us aware of how much we actually have, and lessens any feelings of regret or frustration.

We will, from time to time, inevitably be let down, but holding others at arm’s length the whole time is infinitely more damaging and wearing. Kindness, by contrast, makes us embrace experience with open arms.

More inspiration:

Read Giving can be thinking kind thoughts on the Tube on LifeLabs

Read Dr Steve Taylor on kindness on LifeLabs

Photograph: iStock

This article was originally published by psychologies.co.uk Read the original article here.

Do you sometimes feel a strain in your eyes? A lot of people are still unaware of the fact that every year one eye exam is necessary to ensure the health of your eyes. With the rise of using technologies, we are bound to our smartphones and laptops. On one side where it has been a blessing, it also has some adverse effects one of which could be a problem with your eyesight. You must schedule an eye exam in Orlando to ensure you experience no optical issues.

Below are some of the most common signs that people experience, which should be checked urgently through an eye exam in Orlando.

Trouble Seeing At Night

It is a very common problem especially for adults and is also sometimes called night blindness. At first, you will feel strain, and then you will find it difficult to see when the light dims. You cannot drive easily, as you cannot read the signs at night or maybe you feel a constant headache. Of course, the concentration of your eyes will create a strain that causes headaches too. This is one of the major indications that it’s time for you to go for an Orlando eye exam. You must never take the early signs of night blindness easy.

Blurred Vision

Another common problem is blurred vision, which is found in every age. Children who are in school may not be able to see the writing on the board or their vision starts to get blurry while reading even in broad daylight. With the constant use of smartphones and laptops, some people also face unfocused vision. It is a big sign that you schedule a comprehensive checkup of your eyes with a professional optometrist right away.

Constant Headache

Headaches are common and people with hectic routines get them frequently. But do you think it’s just the work or it could be something else? If you feel that you are unable to focus, then you must go for an eye exam in Orlando immediately. When the eyes fail to focus, the small muscles are forced to concentrate which causes strain and can result in headaches. It can be caused by using bright light, too much screen time, or reading in dim lights. These are some common examples that most of us go through in daily routines. This symptom should never go untreated to avoid any further issues with your eyes.

Flashes Or Floaters In Your Vision

Flashes or floaters in your vision are an important sign that needs immediate attention. You should never delay your eye exam in Orlando if you experience flashes of light. It could result in a serious eye disorder and with an early comprehensive exam by a professional, the problem can be eliminated. You can also experience small pecks in your eyes as well.

You mustn’t ignore the signs and go for an Orlando eye exam. Choose a professional optometrist for a regular exam to ensure that your eye health is safe.

*collaborative post

Author Bio

Adam Smith is a content writing  guru at Healthyell.com. He is adept in IT as well. He loves to write on different topics. In his free time, he likes to travel and explore different parts of the world.

This article was originally published by artofhealthyliving.com. Read the original article here.