Some of you might have been asked what advice you would give your younger self. What you’ve probably never thought of doing is passing time in the company of your inner child. Well, strange as it may sound, that is exactly what I did. This is what happened when I took ‘Little Juju’ to the seaside.

I’ve always suffered with low confidence, anxiety and bouts of depression. I would feel fine for a while, then get depressed. It was a cycle I couldn’t change and I learned to live for the happy times.

This changed in 2017, when I again became depressed. I assumed I would soon bounce back – but I didn’t. Throughout 2018, I went through a series of antidepressants, a course of cognitive behavioural therapy and, eventually, I was diagnosed with mixed anxiety depressive disorder and obsessive compulsion disorder.

I was lucky to be given private counselling through a charity. My therapist, Dawnie Browne, helped me understand that my problems stemmed from bullying in childhood. This manifested as inner doubt, which tells me regularly that I am a horrible person and not worthy of love.

As we discussed the events of my childhood, Dawnie often spoke about the little girl within and I named her ‘Little Juju’. Little Juju is my younger self, aged around five or six. She is scared and mistrustful of the world due to the trauma she has suffered. I found it difficult to talk about her. As a child, I struggled to fit in with other children. I felt like a square peg in a round hole. I often felt inadequate and worthless. Dawnie suggested that I spend time with Little Juju and described how this type of therapy had helped other people.

‘When we are children, we play readily and tend not to temper our emotions until we are given the message that being all that we are is not OK. When we become adults, this child presence lives within us as our inner child,’ she explained. By getting in touch with your inner child, you can recall who you really are. Your adult self can help your inner child know that you are enough and lovable. You can remember the freedom of playfulness and pure joy and give your inner child, as an adult, the best model of love that you know. 

It seemed like a strange concept but, the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to give it a go.

I had no idea where to take Little Juju, so I thought of places I had been happiest and decided on Amble Beach in Northumberland, where my family had holidayed when I was young. I decided I would do the things Little Juju enjoyed when visiting the beach.

Let’s be ourselves

I picked a sunny day and hit the road. I was nervous at first because I had been avoiding driving. I turned up the music and lost myself in cheesy tunes from the 80s and 90s. As a child, for fear of being mocked, I would sing under my breath to songs that my father played in the car. On this trip, I sang loudly and didn’t care that I was out of tune.

I felt my spirits rise and realised I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt so uninhibited and able to lose myself in the moment. I believe this was because I felt the day wasn’t about me – it was about Little Juju.

Soon, I was walking across the dunes to the beach. I had a rush of memories of my brothers giggling as they jumped off the dunes. They were fearless! I was always jealous and longed to join in – but I had been too scared.

I wish I could say that I fulfilled that childhood wish and leapt from the top of a dune. Instead, I stood, looking down, and found I was still too afraid. When I was young, I was frightened by the height but now it was the knowledge that I am in my mid 30s and really don’t fancy a broken ankle. I laughed at myself as I walked onwards to the beach. I guess I will always be a scaredy-cat.

For the first time in 25 years, I stood on the sand and took in my surroundings. The beach was mostly deserted, with only a couple of dog walkers. It was just as I remembered. So much time had passed but it felt like no time at all.

What do you like?

I sat on a rock and closed my eyes. I listened to the waves breaking on the shore and the seagulls overhead. I felt the sunshine on my face and I could taste the salty spray in the air.

Little Juju loved to wander along the beach and collect pebbles. I walked on the sand and picked up five small stones. I tried to select the type of rocks that she had liked. Smooth ones had been her favourite.

I walked barefoot in the shallows further along the beach. The water was freezing but it felt refreshing. I allowed the ebb and flow of the sea to wash away my stress and anxiety. In my mind’s eye, I could see Little Juju laughing, splashing and running for her life when seaweed threatened to touch her.

After a while, I settled on the sand and had lunch. I had packed egg and tomato sandwiches or, as my parents used to call them, ‘seaside sandwiches’. I was almost tempted to sprinkle a little sand into them for authenticity. Little Juju always managed to get sand on her food.

I took the pebbles and a marker pen out of my pocket. Without much forethought, I started writing on them. I wrote ‘love’, ‘peace’, ‘grace’, ‘Little Juju’ and ‘Big Juju’. I arranged the rocks on the sand. I had packed two photographs of myself aged approximately two and four. If I was going to talk to Little Juju, it would be easier if I could look at her. I stood the pictures in the sand next to the pebbles.

It resembled a shrine marking the site of a road accident. I must have looked like a mourner at a badly attended funeral, especially once I started talking to the pictures and crying.

You did nothing wrong

I looked at the photographs, one of which was taken on that very beach. I admitted to Little Juju all the things that I wished I’d known when I was her. I told her that it wasn’t her fault she was bullied or treated badly, that it was OK to be different and she was good enough to be loved. I promised her sincerely that I would deal with our issues, so we can have a happier and healthier future.

As I contemplated the past, I could see my childhood for what it was. I had a happy childhood in which bad things happened. For a time, I could only see the negative. Now, I can see that the bad things don’t define who I am. By accepting that they happened, I can focus my efforts on fixing the effect they had on me, rather than fixating on the events themselves.

I realised that the day wasn’t about behaving like a child, going to the beach, talking to myself or singing out of tune, despite how much fun that was. The point of my trip was to reconnect with the little girl I used to be. It was about accepting what had happened, so I could draw a line under it.

We can do it together

I still have a long road of recovery ahead of me. Thanks to my day out with Little Juju, I was able to take a big step forward. It had a spiritual eect on me. Little Juju didn’t have a voice but now she does. And I continue to listen to her. Often, when I am agitated or scared, it is actually her reaction to a situation, rather than my own.

In the days after our trip to the coast, I spent a lot of time soul-searching. When I looked inwards, I saw the strength I need to carry on, to face my darkest battle, to fight depression and find my spark again. Little Juju survived and grew into a kind and thoughtful adult – or so I have been told. If she could do that without falling apart, I know I can confront our demons and thrive.

Reconnect with your inner child

Julie Gibson explains how to open the dialogue with your younger self and heal.

1. How to address your inner child – I find the best way is to visualise her as an actual person. An old photograph can help. I imagine her doing the things she loves. I speak directly to her as if she is sitting in front of me. When talking to your inner child, use positive words and phrases, such as ‘I love you’, ‘you are good enough’, and ‘you are lovable’. Your inner child needs reassurance and acceptance. If it feels uncomfortable, write a letter to her instead.
2. Hear what she may need – It is just as important to listen to your inner child as it is to talk to her. I often find Little Juju is speaking to me through my emotions. When I talk to her about traumatic events, I feel my mood drop and I cry uninhibitedly. This is my inner child. Equally, when I talk to her about love, acceptance and protection, my mood lifts. I feel safe and content. With awareness, you can understand and listen to your inner child. What does she need or want?
3. Living with your insecure young self – Once you get used to talking to your inner child, you can sense her presence in your life. When I am in a situation in which I feel anxious, I ask myself: ‘Is it me? Am I in danger?’ If the answer to both of these is no, I know it is my inner child who is anxious. I need to soothe her. I talk to her and let her know: ‘It’s OK, no one will hurt you. I will protect you. You are safe.’ By doing this, I feel less anxious.

Photograph: Getty Images

This article was originally published by psychologies.co.uk Read the original article here.

This article was originally published by mindbodygreen.com. Read the original article here.

Buying the perfect gift for your child is tough, right? One moment they’re into one particular thing and then before you know it they’re into something entirely different. As a parent of two kids, who are now 13 and 11, trust me I’ve been there and done it and I’ve got to say that when it comes to buying awesome children’s presents one of the first websites I visit for a bit of inspiration is Wicked Uncle. This website has literally saved me on so many occasions. I’ve always managed to get something a little bit different, and the gifts have gone down an absolute treat with my kids. From small and larger presents right through to fab little stocking filler gifts (at the risk of freaking you out, Christmas is just 4 months away!!) it has been my present buying saviour.

Now I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but this present buying malarky gets harder with each passing year. The 13-year-old mostly wants money, but let’s face it no matter what age you are, seeing a lone envelope on the table rather than a mountain of gift-wrapped presents is nowhere near as exciting. However, on the flip side, there’s nothing worse than buying a present for your kid that they don’t end up using. And as we all know, kids are blunt, like brutally blunt. If they don’t like something you are 100% going to know about it!

Over the years, I have fine tuned my gift buying process so that I’ve pretty much managed to avoid any awkward present opening moments, and I want to share my tips with you all so that you can avoid it too.

1) Check What Their Friends Are Into

I know we should be encouraging our children to be the beautifully unique humans that they are, but come on now let’s be realistic for a moment. Children are influenced by many things, but by far the most influential factor is their friends. If their friend has “an awesome doll that wees” or “this awesome robot building kit” you can bet your bottom dollar that your kid is gonna want it too!

Being a parent is kind of like being a private detective; you need to ask the right questions, interpret the answers, and do a fair bit of sneaking around. So, it’s time to don the investigative hat and make it your mission to find the perfect gift for your child and there are a couple of ways you can do this:

• Scan the room – If you child is of an age where you still need to be present at play dates, next time you go round their friend’s house do a mental stock take of the toys your child plays with the most.
• Interrogate – If you have a slightly older child, who can be dropped off for play dates without you needing to stay, make sure you quiz them on the way home about what they did, what they played with etc.
• Listen in – Yeah OK so I know it’s a little bit sneaky, but hey it’s all with the very best of intentions. If they chat with their mates on their phones…. listen in. If they have a mate round… listen in. If they chat with their mates online… yep you got it… listen in. The older they get, the less they talk to their parents (FACT) so if you want to figure out the perfect gift for your child it’s all about being smart.

2) Check Their YouTube/TikTok/Browser history

Again, totally sneaky, but seeing as these days we’re all supposed to be internet savvy parents and keep a check on what our kids are doing online anyway, I don’t really see a problem in using this to our advantage and using the intel for some present buying inspo.

When they’re in bed or at school, hop onto their devices and firstly check the accounts they follow. This will give you an indication of the type of things they like to watch and this will usually translate into products. I remember when my daughter was younger she was obsessed with some family on YouTube who got gifted all the latest toys and they would do big product reveals. She particularly loved it when they opened up blind bags, little themed bags with surprises in them, and would ask for them for every birthday and Christmas. It was a guaranteed success.

It’s also worth checking their browser history to see what they’ve been searching for. Chances are it’s going to bring up a whole heap of random searches, but you might get lucky and spot a few product websites in there too, in which case result, you’ve hit the jackpot!

3) Get Them To Make A List

Sometimes you just need to scrap the whole surprise element and simply ask them what it is they’d like. If they’re younger, be prepared for a list as long as your arm, if they’re older be grateful if you get one as long as your little fingernail, but at least you’ll have something to go on.

Certain online stores allow you to create wish lists, so get your kids to sit down and put one together, making sure younger children don’t accidentally ‘add to basket’. Explain to them that they should aim to add items from various price brackets so that you then send this list out to relatives too – grandparents find it even harder to buy things than us parents do.

Or keep it old school and ask them to write a list out by hand, making sure you take a photo of it in case it gets lost. And if they’re struggling for inspiration, get them to check out the Wicked Uncle website that I mentioned above. It breaks presents down into categories that are relevant for certain ages, or that are more suited to boys/girls, as well as the most popular products and to suit your budget, which makes the whole searching process a lot easier.

To avoid tears on the day, make it clear that they won’t get necessarily get everything from their list, especially if there are a crazy amount of items on there. It might be worth getting them to put their most lusted after items at the top to help you out when it comes to doing your present buying.

4) Keep A Record

We all know how often kids change their minds about things and sometimes there’s the worry that if you’re too organised and buy presents too far in advance, by the time it gets round to actually giving it to them, they no longer want or like the item you’ve bought them. Which is frustrating and disappointing for everyone involved. Make sure you check, and double check and then check again, with your child before buying anything from their list and always check the refund policy… just in case.

Whenever my kids used to write letters to Santa I would make sure I took photos of them holding their letters up. Now, obviously I did this because hello cute, but also because it was a sneaky way to get a copy of the letter before it got posted off so that the kids didn’t suspect anything. Not only is it helpful at the time, it’s also useful for any future present buying occasions. What they’re into may change, but some things may also still be relevant or they may have just forgotten about them, so keep a record of both Santa letters and past birthday lists to draw inspiration from before you start your present buying.

5) Know Your Kid

You know your child better than anybody and so the most important thing to consider when researching gifts for them is to think about the type of kid they are?

Do they like dressing up? Are they into arts and crafts? Perhaps they like role play? Or maybe they like all the latest gadgets, in which case I feel your pain as I have one of those and trust me it is costly! Whatever your kid is into you can almost guarantee that if you buy them something related to their passion they will absolutely love it.

Buying the perfect gift for your child needn’t be difficult. I guess the hardest thing is the fact that there are just so many incredible toys and products out there – our kids are literally spoilt for choice these days. The good news is, that now I’ve revealed some of the things I do to find the perfect gift, it’ll hopefully help you on your way to finding a present that your child will absolutely love too.

*SPONSORED POST*

This article was originally published by artofhealthyliving.com. Read the original article here.

Klaus B. S. L. Batista, MSc, PhD, is a practicing orthodontist in Rio de Janeiro, a senior lecturer in the department of Preventive and Public Dentistry at Rio de Janeiro State University, and a visiting lecturer at the University of Manchester in the UK. Batista carries out research on orthodontics in the fields of Class II malocclusion, TMJ (temporomandibular joint) disorders, and quality of life. He has published systematic reviews, including a Cochrane Library review, on the links between orthodontic treatments, oral health, and quality of life.

This article was originally published by goop.com. Read the original article here.

Learning to cope with the traumatic injury of your child can be a difficult time for any parent, so here are some ways you may use to get through it.

Typically, the psychological wellbeing of parents’ plummets following the trauma of their child. Parents can experience low mood and post-traumatic stress symptoms such as flashbacks, heightened anxiety and sleepiness.

Not only is this an issue for the parents, it’s also bad for the child who needs them now more than ever. Especially when it comes to severe traumas, such as brain injuries in children, the child’s parents have to be at their best.

In this post, we’re going to share some advice on how to cope after your child suffers a traumatic injury so you can be the best parent you can be at this difficult time.

Coping After Your Child Survives A Traumatic Injury

Looking after yourself is as important as looking after your child at this time, so here are some ways you can do that.

1. Support From Family And Friends

Parents trying to cope with the traumatic injury of their child roundly report that support from friends and family help them more than anything.

It can be difficult at first to accept support but, once you’ve taken the plunge, the benefits are difficult to ignore. The people around you can help you talk through your experience, help you process your feelings, and come to terms with it all.

2. Psychological Support

Support from your friends and family is important, but sometimes you need professional help to help you cope with the traumatic injury of your child.

If you feel as though you’re experiencing symptoms of PTSD, or other severe psychological difficulties that are impacting your life, visiting your GP and asking them to refer you for psychological support might be the best way to help you cope.

3. Recognise That It’s Normal To Feel This Way

Every parent whose child goes through a traumatic event has trouble dealing with the situation. It’s important that you recognise what you’re feeling is normal and to give yourself the time and space to acknowledge what you’ve been through.

Blaming yourself for what happened, or for not being strong enough for your child, will only make things more difficult for you and them.

4. Try Relaxation Exercises

One way to give you more control over your mental health, and promote a feeling of calm when you need it, is through relaxation exercises.

It often takes a lot of time and practice to see the benefits of these exercises, so persevering with them is important. You should try and practice them both when you’re feeling calm and when you’re distressed and on edge.

5. Engage In Physical Activity

Another way to cope following your child’s traumatic injury is to be physically active. Physical activity can improve your mental health in the following ways:

• Improved sleep – by making you more tired at the end of the day.
• Happier moods – by releasing hormones that make you feel better and give you more mental energy.
• Managing stress, anxiety and intrusive thoughts – by releasing cortisol which manages stress, and by giving your brain something else to focus on during difficult times.

You can even involve your child in the physical exercise as it will help them burn off stress chemicals and improve their sleep.

6. Don’t Deprive Yourself Of Fun And Enjoyment

One of the best ways to get through difficult times in your life are to let loose and have some fun. Most of your time might be spent looking after your child after their traumatic accident, so finding time to ‘take a break’ and have fun will prevent you from burning out.

Also, taking a break doesn’t have to mean a break from your child. You can always do something fun with them and other family members to take some of the emphasis off the injury and let loose.

7. Be Realistic About Your Expectations For Your Child

If you’ve spoken to your child’s doctor, they’ll have given you an idea of when your child is likely to recover by, and what that recovery might look like.

Instead of expecting your child to magically get better, and feeling terrible when it doesn’t happen, it’s healthier to be realistic about what your child is likely to be able to do at each stage on their road to recovery.

8. Celebrate Small Victories

As well as being realistic about your child’s probable ‘road to recovery’, it’s a great mood booster to take notes of the incremental gains your child has made.

Looking back at old recordings six months down the line will really give you a sense of how far your child has come, which is difficult to do when you’re caught up in it. You can even celebrate these victories with your child, friends and family to really mark the occasion.

9. Give Your Child Some Control Over Their Life

As you start to see that your child is improving, it’s a good idea to start allocating basic tasks for them to perform. If you ever needed confirmation that your child is progressing, this would be it.

Try to give them tasks they can handle, such as allowing them to choose between two sandwich fillings at lunch and increase their difficulty as time goes on. Not only will this make you feel better about their progress, it will also help your child recover and regain some independence.

Learning To Cope After A Traumatic Injury Is Right Around The Corner

In this post, we’ve shared some fundamental ways to help you cope after your child’s traumatic accident. The ideas we’ve shared here are ones that parents who’ve been in your shoes have expressed most commonly. However, that doesn’t mean these are the only ways to cope. All parents cope with traumatic incidents differently and the only way you’ll know what works for you is to try them and see.

Please be advised that this article is for general informational purposes only, and should not be used as a substitute for advice from a trained medical professional. Be sure to consult a medical professional or healthcare provider if you’re seeking medical advice, diagnoses, or treatment. We are not liable for risks or issues associated with using or acting upon the information on this site.

This article was originally published by artofhealthyliving.com. Read the original article here.

Choosing a school for your child is an absolute minefield for any parent. Mainly because everyone has their own, often very strong, opinion about which school is best. All you can do as a parent is look through the various options available to you and base your decision on what is right for your child.

To make your job a little easier we’ve answered a few questions you might like to think about when choosing a school for your child.

What Type Of School Will You Choose?

Before you start thinking about visiting the schools in your local area you need to have a good think about the type of school you’d like to send your child to. Do you want them to attend a day school or would somewhere like http://boardingschools.ca/ suit them better?

Are you looking for an infant school, which will focus on the younger years or perhaps you like the idea of a primary school to help get your child used to mixing with children of a wider age range?

You need to think of the type of education you want them to have as well as the size of the school and the teacher to student ratio. You should be able to find this type of information on the school’s website, but if not you can give them a call and they will be happy to share this information with you.

Does The School Have A Good Reputation?

As a parent you want your child to be in a learning environment that nurtures them and gets the very best out of them, after all their school days are an important part in their journey to adulthood. However, first and foremost you want to know that when you drop your child off at school they are safe and well looked after. If this is something that worries you, speak to the school in question and enquire about any safeguarding practices they have in place and whether they use the best incident management software. It may seem as though you are being an over protective parent, but these things matter, and it is only natural to want the very best for your child.

You can also check to see what a school’s current and past OFSTED reports are like to see how well the school is performing overall and you could also ask in local Facebook groups about what other parent’s or past pupils experiences of the school have been like.

What Does Your Child Think?

For us the most important factor when it comes to choosing a school for your child is that your child likes and feels comfortable in the school, so it is essential you include them in the decision making process. Find out when the schools have an open day (if you’ve missed them or they don’t fit in with your schedule you can phone the school to arrange a private tour at a mutually convenient time) and go along with your child to see what they think.

A gut feeling can count for a lot and at the end of the day you need your child to feel comfortable there as that will encourage the best learning from them, which is ultimately what this is all about. Seeing what facilities the school has (computers, books, chill out areas, play space), the behaviour of the other children (are they engaged, do they look happy etc.), what the classrooms look like (is there lots of work on display, is it tidy and well organised, is there a balance of structured learning space as well as a focus on wellbeing and growth, for example whiteboards for learning and the best green walls for reflection time).

On the journey home, ask your child what they thought about the school. You should be able to gauge a lot from your child’s response, especially if they continue to talk about how fun it was for days after.

Choosing a school for your child is never easy, but it is an important decision and so it is essential you carry out as much research as you can. We are very fortunate to have so many good schools in this country, which only really serves to make the decision process even harder, but you’ll get there, and hopefully we’ve helped make your job just that little bit easier.

This article was originally published by artofhealthyliving.com. Read the original article here.

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