How To Know If A Relationship Is Worth Saving – Personal Excellence
“Hi Celes, may I ask, how would you know if a relationship is worth saving and how would you know if it’s going nowhere? Thank you so much.” – Drizzle 🙂
Are you at a relationship crossroads? Are you wondering if your relationship with your significant other is worth saving or if it’s going nowhere?
We’ve all been there — a stage where you wonder if this relationship is right for you, whether you should fight for it or give up. When you’re constantly fighting with your SO or when you’re trying so hard to make things work out, it’s normal to doubt yourself and wonder if there is a future in this union.
While every relationship is different, here are 7 signs that your relationship is worth saving.
1) Your partner is trying to make things work
(Image: Everton Vila)
This is the number one sign you need to look for — that your partner is trying to make things work. A relationship can’t thrive if only one half of the union is doing the work. If you’re the only person who has been trying, who has been showing up for therapy, and who has been doing the work, then clearly something is wrong. Your partner needs to be on board in healing the relationship, otherwise there is no relationship to speak of.
I have a friend who used to be in a toxic relationship, and one of the clear signs that the relationship was not worth saving was the fact that her boyfriend never put in the effort to make things work. She was always the one trying to salvage the relationship while her boyfriend did nothing. If that’s you, consider if this is the kind of person you want to be with. You want to be with someone who genuinely cares for you and puts in the effort to make things work, not someone who doesn’t even blink an eye when the relationship is failing.
2) You still feel love for each other
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It’s easy to suggest breaking up when you’re in the middle of an argument. But ask yourself: Do you still love him/her? And does he/she love you?
If the answer is “yes” to both, then perhaps the relationship is worth saving. It’s not easy to find a relationship where the love is still there after all the struggles. Sometimes there is love at the start but it fizzles out. Sometimes there was never love from the start. If both of you still deeply love each other, cherish this love and give your relationship another chance.
3) You share similar values
Do you share the same values? For example, do you have a common long-term vision? Do you value the same things? Do you have the same philosophy and belief in a lot of things?
Even though you may have your differences — and that’s normal as part of any relationship — what determines the long-term potential of a relationship is whether you share the same values. When you have the same core values as your partner, you have common ground to build your future on and to build a strong, steady relationship. What you’re going through now may just be a temporary blip and if you manage to work through this problem now, you may well end up with a stronger relationship than ever.
4) There is no one else like him/her
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You’ve met many people and there is simply no one else like him/her. Despite your differences, when you stop to think, your partner has many good things about him/her. He/she has many good qualities that you value and adore. He/she is a perfect match with you in many ways. He/she is unlike anyone you have ever met. If you let him/her go, you’re not sure if you can ever meet someone like him/her again because he/she is one in a million.
5) There is remorse for wrongdoings
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Maybe your partner did you wrong. Maybe he/she lied, lost his/her temper, or was unreasonable in his/her behavior. Maybe he/she cheated and saw someone behind your back.
If there is any wrongdoing, maintain a clear head and assess the situation. Firstly, is this a mistake you can forgive? Next, has he/she shown remorse for his/her behavior? Lastly, is he/she doing anything about the issue?
Different people have different thresholds on what they can accept, and you should never stay with someone if he/she did something that you cannot forgive. But if (a) your partner is remorseful and is taking active steps about the issue, and (b) this mistake is something you can forgive, then consider giving him/her a chance. If the issue recurs, give your partner an ultimatum and let him/her know that you cannot be together if this issue persists. Give him/her a timeline to work on this issue and assess if things have improved sufficiently by the end of it.
If you’re dealing with deep-seated problems like abuse or anger management issues, seek professional help right away. Don’t attempt to deal with it alone. No matter how much you love your partner, you must always protect and take care of yourself first. Help him/her by first removing yourself from the situation, and then seek professional help. To save the relationship, you need to work on the roots of the problem.
6) You’ve been through a lot together
(Image: Alex Iby)
Having a shared history shouldn’t be the only reason to stay together, but it is a reason to save the relationship. After all, if both of you have been through a lot in the past, chances are you have a strong understanding of each other’s likes and dislikes, how each other thinks, and how to best support each other. Such camaraderie is difficult to find without going through the same hurdles together with someone. If you and your partner have a strong history together, consider if you want to give this relationship another go.
7) Things have been improving, even if slowly
When all you do is argue non-stop with your partner, it’s easy to feel that all is lost and this relationship is a goner.
But take a step back and ask yourself: Have things been improving? Compared to when things were at their worst, have things been improving? Has your partner been listening to your feedback? Is he/she working on the issues between the both of you?
Maybe your partner has a lot of problems and it’s overwhelming you. But if things are improving, even if slowly, then consider giving him/her a chance. Sometimes things may not improve at the speed that you want, but that doesn’t mean that all is lost. Focus on the overall trajectory of the relationship instead.
What if you don’t meet the signs above?
If you don’t meet the signs above, not all is lost. These signs are really meant as a general guide. Ask yourself: Do you love your partner? Is this a relationship worth fighting for? Have you had many good moments together? If so, maybe you want to give your relationship another shot.
If your partner hasn’t been trying and if he/she keeps taking you for granted, then let go — you’re better off with someone who truly appreciates you. Check out my other article Top 12 Signs It’s Time To Move On From A Relationship.
