How To Help Neurodivergent Kids Set Expectations + A Handy Timer Tip

With so much of our brainpower focused on the details, and diverted from the bigger picture, it can be hard for me (and my son) to find the “why” that sustains us through any number of seemingly small hardships along the way. Life can often feel like it is spinning out of control. There are too many details that we can’t control, and yet we see them all individually, usually without being able to perceive of them all as part of one big picture.

It’s hard to describe what this is like to someone who has not experienced it. It’s like trying to hold on to sand. There are so many tiny little grains—each one seems equally important, and yet it is impossible to hold on to all of them.

Setting expectations mitigates some of this lack of control. Simply knowing the structure in which my life is being held—even if just for the day or for the next few hours—can offer a tremendous sense of clarity. It’s like suddenly having a bucket for the sand. If I know that I have a five-by-five-inch bucket in which to put my sand, I will control the grains of sand I engage with in order to be successful within that controlled structure.

So, for example, if we ask our son to put down his tablet, and he doesn’t know why or for how long, and he had no prior expectation of having to stop using it, he is much less willing to cooperate. However, if we had already set a fifteen-minute time limit when he picked up the tablet, and he hears the timer go off, he will put it down of his own accord, because his expectations were clear, and now he is in control of his own destiny.